


Mr. Lucifer the Guidance Counselor.

by MylesEdgeworthXV



Category: Christian Bible, Original Work
Genre: Multi, Other, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:41:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23044177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MylesEdgeworthXV/pseuds/MylesEdgeworthXV
Summary: Lucifer feels a bit out of touch in his judging of the dead, and is mortified and confused with how many mere adolecent children are showing up in his throne room for judgment. He decides he's out of touch, and so finds a job in a school up top to get an insight into why so many american, Canadian, and English teens are dying. Specifically the 'Why' as he already knows the 'How'
Relationships: Lucifer/Original Character(s), Lucifer/Original Female Character(s), Lucifer/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	1. Judgment

**Author's Note:**

> Whoop-  
> -This is also on my Wattpad, there will generally be updated first by a while, which is under the same name.  
> -Chapters will be short if on desktop, but comfortable from mobile, because that's where I do most of the writing.

It wasn't wrong to say that, in judgement after death, Lucifer has more old-world tones. That being said, he does not punish for anything around the grounds of sexuality or gender identity, or mental health. So naturally, he started getting very worried when more and more students and children started getting sent to him for judgement. He'd ask why they were there, and usually they'd say something along the lines of a car accident, or suicide, or the rare murder. They usually got sent to what the Greeks would call 'Elysium' - the place where those who are deemed good and the righteous lived go.

But they were piling up, and fights were breaking out between the ones from the boomer generation and the new generations. "Uh, boss?" One of the lower creatures asked. He sighed and responded, "Yeah?"   
The creature said, "There's a lotta kids here, maybe you could go find out why? Not to advise you or anything, just an idea." "...yeah maybe, maybe yeah." He said as he rubbed his forehead, tired mentally and spiritually because of his judging of all who came through. "Who's open to temporarily take my position?"

"Uh, I could call one of your brot-" "Next."  
"Beelzebub" "No." "Uriel." "Not in a billion years." "Satan?" At that suggestion Lucifer just gagged. "...Hades and Persephone?" "Ya'know what? Sure. Have the Crow call Hades for me and ask him if they mind. If they say no, call Anubis." Lucifer said as he stood, stretched, and flamboyantly flipped his cape to turn around and head to his quarters, telling some higher-classing beings of what will be happening in the near future, of how possibly one or two of the only capable other beings in existence would be handling judgement for a while.

And with that, he headed to his room, where he quickly fell to the bed.

Only to be startled upright and awake by a call from who else but the archangel Gabriel, who is currently touring the modern world for the twelfth time.   
"Ayyyyye Luci, how're things going?" Gabriel sang, inhabiting the body of a frat boy in Morocco at the moment, "Things at work going well?" To which Lucifer responded, "Brother, it's hell-" Gabriel laughed. "But I'll be coming uptop to understand humans better soon enough." "Can you meet me in Barbados or Brazil?" Gabriel bouyantly asked. "No, Gabé, I think I will be going to the Midwest." Gabriel audibly pouted, then asked, "Okie dokie fine, I'll meet you in...say... Illinois or Indiana?"   
"Sounds good to me." Lucifer said, lying through his teeth to his brother as he planned going to Ohio, or maybe North Dakota. Oh well, these are plans to me made tomorrow at any rate.


	2. Decisions - Two

The morning couldn't come late enough, and Lucifer really didn't want to go up top. He had to, though, to find out why the ever loving hell so many mere children getting sent to him for judgement. Nevertheless, he got up, chose his form, and started pulling strings so he would have an apartment and a job when he went to the above, and the perfect opportunities could not present themselves in any other way.

"A...A high-school guidance counselor?" He said, sitting on his throne - which, contrary to popular opinion, was not made entirely of darkness, bones, or the souls of the damned. Instead it's comfortable black and red recliner.  
"Yeah! It's the perfect opportunity for you to figure this out! You're right there as an adult they can talk to!" His secretary excitedly says, going down the clipboard she holds for job openings.

Or just names of states with the least number of high-school counselors.

"She's uh... She's got a point, boss-man." Another of his underlings says. "Fine, right, that sounds reasonable." Lucifer says, form warping to be a young man, maybe twenty-eight or so, with blond hair, round glasses, fair skin, and a thin figure. He wears dress pants and a navy-and-red patterned dress shirt. "How's this, Darin? Dina?"

"Well, that's for you to choose. I'll tell you this, though you should know we will be sending you to Montana most likely. We've cross-referenced the states with the least amounts of high school guidance counselors with the ones with the most teen suicide rates. Montana, as of right now, on counselor count has 308-to-1 but a suicide rate of twenty-four per every one-hundred-thousand. This is actually kind of one of the better ones. We could also send you to; Arizona with 905-to-1, Michigan with 741-to-1, Illinois with 686-to-1, California with 663-to-1, Minnesota with 659-to-1, Utah with 648-to-1, Idaho with 538-to-1, DC with 511-to-1, Washington with 499-to-1, Oregon with 498-to-1, and Indiana with 497-to-1. Real stats, to all those rea-"  
"Nobody is reading this we're not in a book, Dina." Darin snaps for what may very well be the fourth time today.

"I say...Michigan, Illinois, or Indiana. Pull up their adolescent suicide rates, please." Lucifer requested, changing form to a black man, around thirty five with dreads, wearing a crew cut shirt and cargo pants.

Darin pulled results before Dina could, and responded, "Respectively, 14 per 100,000, 11 per 100,000, 16.6 per 100,000." "I guess the boss is goin' to Indiana!" "Alright, I have ma match for you then. New Day Public High school!" 

Lucifer nodded and decided on the form of a Taiwanese male, about thirty, wearing black dress pants, a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a black bow tie. "How's this?" "Perfect!" They yelled in unison. Then it was time to wait for everything to be sorted as he packed. Then he would leave, 'tomorrow.' He thinks. 'Perfectly tomorrow.'


End file.
